Review: Funzze Mini Realistic Dildo

Recently I’ve been spending a lot of time at r/SexToys helping to answer people’s questions (say hi if you see me!), and I’ve realised most posts fall into one of two categories. There are the beginners who have no idea where to start or what would work best for them, and then there is the exact opposite: people who know exactly what they want and just need help finding it. It’s made me more aware of just how versatile our desires can be, with many of these requests being for toys outside of the norm (hence why they’re struggling to locate them), particularly when it comes to sizing. I’m so accustomed to the average 18cm / 7″ length and 3.8cm / 1.5″ diameter of penetrables that I barely even stop to think about it, yet it seems there are plenty of people out there yearning for something different, from toys that are long and thin, short and thick, and every possible combination in between. So, when Funzze approached me about collaborating with them, I was instantly intrigued when I saw the Mini Realistic Dildo in their new arrivals.

Product Description

This Funzze toy is certainly realistic, although the term “Mini” may not be totally accurate here. Instead of a sized-down miniature version of a dildo (like the kind you get for free from indie makers sometimes), it is really just a realistic dildo with smaller than average proportions. This is most apparent in the insertable length of the toy, which at 7.4cm / 2.9″ makes it the shortest dildo I own. However, despite this it is not the thinnest, with its 3.2cm / 1.25″ girth beating out toys like the Tantus Splish. And even with all of this, the toy itself isn’t that small, as its insertable length is supplemented by large testicles and a prominent suction cup, giving the Funzze Mini Realistic Dildo a total length of 13.5cm / 5.3″. Dual density silicone then ensures a realistic feel, and whilst this firm inner core is not present in the head (not only aiding the fantasy but insertion too), it starts just after this, allowing for a filling shaft that is softest on the side facing the balls. Plus, so much detailing is present to further enhance this realism, from veins, skin pores, folds around the head and so much more. The underside of the testicles and the suction cup are then made of a different silicone, which seems to get strangely oily after being unused for an extended period, but both this and the material the toy is made of have been flame tested by me prior to testing to confirm they’re body-safe. Of the two realistic shades Funzze offer the toy in, I then received it in their “Flesh Brown”, but there is also “Flesh Pink” for those interested. Finally, in addition to all of this, the Mini Realistic Dildo is also waterproof, anal-safe, and harness compatible.

Packaging

My order for the Mini Realistic Dildowas placed with Funzze on the 15th of March and I received it on the 26th. The package was then 100% discreet, with no mention of the sender or what was contained within. Inside, everything was packaged the same as previous orders, and it is this level of consistency that is part of why Funzze are my favourite white-label retailer. A simple cardboard box branded with just a removable slip of paper, for maximum reusability and discretion, I then found the toy alongside a card detailing Funzze’s one year warranty and a gold branded storage bag that fits the Mini Realistic Dildo perfectly.

My Experience

With a slim shaft and squishy head, inserting the Funzze Mini Realistic Dildo is easy. And considering Funzze advertise it as a beginners toy, this is great news. Of course, thrusting it in, it only goes so far, and with a straight, flexible shaft, there’s no chance for G-Spot stimulation either. Yet despite these limitations, the Mini Realistic Dildo is still able to shine. First of all, the realism is on point, from the dual-density silicone to all of that detailing. This can definitely be felt, helping to deepen the fantasy and also add a level of texture, particularly with that prominent head that provides a popping sensation every time I thrust it. Next, for lovers of testicles, this toy is perfect. By having far less lead up to them than normal, they take much more of a leading role in play, with quicker thrusts for more frequent contact. Finally, by having a shorter shaft, you are able to really let loose and thrust fast and hard with the Funzze Mini Realistic Dildo, as there is no chance of hurting yourself by thrusting the toy too deep. Plus, this kind of combos with what I was saying about the testicles, as this sped up thrusting provides a level of force that cannot be achieved with longer dildos, to really offer that sensation of them hitting against you. Pairing it with a good clitoral vibrator, like the We-Vibe Touch X, I then find orgasm comes easily with the Mini Realistic Dildo, and it is very satisfying.

Suction Cup

The suction cup on the Funzze Mini Realistic Dildo is very strong, easily staying put on any smooth surface you have to offer it. Although this is one area where its short length is a real detriment, as you’re going to need to be very close to the wall or floor where you stick it in order to actually be penetrated, which is harder than it sounds when you’re on your knees or squatting. This may be alright for younger people, but I’m not up for the challenge. With this in mind, I think the suction cup here is more beneficial as a handle or as a way to use the toy with a harness. Alternatively, it is also handy if you want to use the Mini Realistic Dildo for blow jobs, as it is much easier to get your mouth against a wall than your ass.

Cleaning & Care

As the Funzze Mini Realistic Dildo is 100% silicone and waterproof, cleaning it is easy. To start, I’d recommend soaking it in some warm water, and then you’ll want to go over it with a soft spare toothbrush and soap before rinsing. Leave it to air dry, and after this you can place it into its storage bag to keep clean, as otherwise it will attract dust and hair. Because it is so heavily textured, you’ll also want to sterilise it every few uses, or when switching the toy between orifices or partners, and whilst Funzze does not mention a recommended method, you should be able to follow my suggestions here. Finally, only use water-based lubricants with this product, as other kinds may damage the toy’s material.

Final Thoughts

When I first requested the Mini Realistic Dildo, Funzze were a little hesitant as they were unsure I would be happy with this new and strangely proportioned toy in their inventory. But whilst I do enjoy a bit of G-Spot stimulation from my penetrable toys every now and then, I am not someone who otherwise cares too much about length or girth. For me, my priorities are texture and ease of insertion, two things the Mini Realistic Dildo offered in abundance. And if you haven’t already noticed, I also have a bit of a thing for testicles. So as long as it had enough length to offer easy thrusting, I knew this toy would be a winner. Being able to insert it right off the bat was great for my lazy style of masturbation, and also makes it an ideal option for any beginners who want to start with a realistic dildo but who are only able to find average or above measurements. Then, due to the shaft length, I could thrust it far harder and faster than normal, not only amplifying stimulation within my vagina, but also offering further external pleasure from the testicles. Plus, there is one last thing that Funzze have done right with this toy that I haven’t mentioned yet, and that is its budget-friendly pricing, making my recommendation easy. So, if you have similar preferences to me, or are looking for your first dildo, it’s going to be hard to pass up the Mini Realistic Dildo, especially if you are looking for this level of realism.

You can get the Mini Realistic Dildo directly from Funzze for just $44 AUD / $29.99 USD!

Last updated: 11/7/24

Price at the time of writing: $44 AUD / $29.99 USD

This post was sponsored by Funzze, but as always, all opinions are my own.