Review: Closetplay Speedster

In October 2021 the sex toy world suffered a huge loss. Geeky Sex Toys, Australia’s first (and, for a long time, only) independent maker of silicone toys, closed their virtual doors. Pioneers of the fantasy genre, they introduced the idea of mixing pop culture with sex toys for all us “naughty nerds” out there, and as it turned out, there were a lot of us. But while they might have been the first to bring us the lightsaber dildo and Pikachu butt plug, they certainly won’t be the last. Many retailers, from other indie makers such as Deep N’ Geek to big brands like The Realm by Blush Novelties, have taken inspiration from Geeky Sex Toys over the years. However, I don’t think any have quite captured their almost chaotic creativity quite like newcomer Closetplay Sex Toys.

The Brand

Based in sunny Queensland, Australia (yes, the same as Geeky Sex Toys, clearly there’s something in the water), Closetplay Sex Toys have been around for about a year now, although it’s only recently that I feel they’ve hit their stride. Unlike other fantasy makers, they also stock a range of non-original white label designs at their store, from vibrators to masturbators. But as their selection of hand-poured pieces has grown, the amount of these occasionally questionable items has decreased, making this a store I’m now excited to have as one of my blog sponsors. Covering a range of pop culture classics, from comic books to Star Wars, Closetplay frequently release new designs and offer some wonderful additions to their orders, including a branded storage pouch and mini vibrator keyring, as well as a small matching dildo with all hand-poured toys. Custom colours are currently free, and they are also one of the first brands in the world to offer Near Clear silicone (a new type of transparent blend) with their products. Finally, in addition to offering worldwide discreet shipping, Closetplay ensure all postage materials are plastic-free and recyclable.

Product Description

One of the latest releases out of Closetplay is their Speedster dildo, and that is what I’ll be reviewing today. Dubbed “The Fastest Dong Alive”, this toy takes inspiration from DC hero The Flash, with the iconic lightning bolt and red / yellow colouring making the toy instantly recognisable (although it also comes in the Reverse-Flash colours of yellow / red and Black Flash colours of black / red). While I’m not personally the biggest DC fan (although I did watch the original Justice League and the Snyder Cut back-to-back to identify changes) this is still totally up my alley of geeky goods, plus with Peacemaker currently being my favourite show I’m definitely here for it (and if you’ve finished season one then you’ll know). As a dildo, it is quite a simple design, with a straight shaft paired with a pronounced head and balls, allowing it to fall under the realistic category without being too detailed, and this reminds me a lot of one of my favourite dildos, the Tantus Pack ‘n Play No.2. A little larger than average, the Speedster features a diameter of 3.98cm / 1.57″ alongside a overall length of 17cm / 6.7″, with 14cm / 5.5″ of that being insertable. But with a squishy density of Shore 00-45, this should be suitable for most. The lightning bolt on the underside of the shaft is then quite raised, offering texture for use, whilst the yellow bolts on the balls are primarily decorative. Finally, due to the balls, not only can this toy stand comfortably upright, but it is also suitable for anal use and some harnesses.

If you’ve checked Closetplay’s website or social media, you might notice that the Speedster pictured there looks slightly different from my model. That’s because just prior to sending mine out, Closetplay decided to make some adjustments to the original design, and this unfortunately doesn’t yet seem to be reflected online. In addition to making the three lightning bolts more prominent, a ring that previously separated the balls and shaft is no longer present. I think this was a good move, as it not only reinforces the toy’s whole shtick but also removes the hygienic concern of the ring. Despite these refinements, however, it seems the Speedster does still have room for improvement, as my model has a few issues. Firstly, one part of the yellow silicone on the balls has separated from the red, giving the toy a little flap that I need to be extra cautious about when cleaning. The surface of the toy is then covered in fine lines, which I imagine are from some part of the moulding or sanding process, and while these cannot be felt, it has resulted in the occasional hole, bubble, or tear on the silicone’s surface. This presents a significant issue since they’re mostly on the toy’s insertable portion, and while I could be wrong, I do feel like they’re getting worse every time I use the Speedster. Finally, my version of the toy also featured an accidental yellow dot at its tip, which I was warned about beforehand. While this didn’t bother me, it unfortunately also separated from the toy after I finished my testing, leaving behind a prominent hole in the head.

Packaging

Closetplay Sex Toys shipped out my Speedster on the 10th of February and somehow it arrived by the 11th, which I think is the quickest I’ve ever received a toy (fasted dong alive confirmed)! Coming in a fully discreet postage bag, there was then no mention of what was inside or who sent it. Inside this was a plain brown box, which is easily reusable, and it was here that I then found a whole heap of goodies. In addition to the Speedster itself, Closetplay also included a business card, care instructions guide (which is a nice touch, although it does mention needing to store your Closetplay purchase separately from your other toys, which I’m unsure of the reasoning for as the myth about silicone toys not being able to be stored together is just that, a myth), two drawstring storage bags (which are the opposite of discreet, being covered in the Closetplay logo, although otherwise perfect, with a high quality material and proper closing mechanism), as well as Closetplay’s free massager keyring and mini dildo. The keyring, which comes in a foil packet labelled “SEX Vibrating Ring” and covered with a Closetplay sticker, is adorable and something I’ve wanted to get my hands on for as long as I can remember. My version is pink and has a little power button to activate its one-speed vibrations, and while it is a complete novelty item and couldn’t be used as an actual vibrator, I’m 100% here for it. The mini dildo is then just that, a small (12.5cm / 5″ length) vaginal-only dildo made with the same silicone as your order, which in my case was a squishy red. With a wavy design that reminds me of anal beads except without the gradual size increase, this toy doesn’t offer much in the way of pleasure, but is still a nice touch and may be a good option for those who require something extra small. I do, however, think it could be vastly improved if a base was included, as it would make a perfect anal toy.

Matching Plug

Finally, the Speedster also came with one last addition: its matching butt plug! With a tapered tip and mostly red body, yellow detailing on the base again shows off The Flash’s logo, and a firmer silicone has been used than on the Speedster itself. Originally an add-on you could select with the toy, this is currently unavailable at Closetplay’s website as they make some changes to its design, and for good reason. With a fairly small base (3.4cm / 1.38″ diameter in comparison with an insertable width of 3.3cm / 1.3″), not only is this tapered slightly, but it is also thin enough to be quite flexible. In other words, due to the base I do not believe this plug is anal-safe, and thus cannot recommend its use. In addition, the red silicone that runs around the edge of the base’s yellow border is again not connected or stuck down, and while inspecting it I was also able to easily separate some of the logo from the red. At this point I am fairly certain that I could, with little effort, cleanly remove the entire yellow portion of this plug, and I do think this could also occur naturally over time if the plug was being used as intended. This is obviously not on, as not only is it essentially breaking, but it could become a health issue if it goes unnoticed. Plus, like the Speedster itself, the surface of the matching butt plug also features small tears and bubbles, with the most major of these across both toys being near the very tip of the plug. Needless to say, I have not tested this plug, and hope these issues are fixed before it is available for purchase again.

My Experience

While a little on the large size, I can still fit the Speedster relatively easily due to its squish. Still, to make things even easier, using a smaller dildo first, such as the Funkit Toys NoFrillDo R or BS Atelier Alex, works a charm. Once inside, I find the toy unsurprisingly isn’t able to stimulate my G- or A- Spots, but what was somewhat surprising was just how little I felt its textured lightning bolt on the shaft. With the balls facing away from me, which is how I naturally hold the toy, I cannot feel this element at all besides an occasional scratchy feeling. Things then improve slightly when the balls are towards me, but even then it is just a subtle popping feeling that isn’t really my jam, and since this method is a less comfortable to hold anyway, I don’t find myself switching to it. As for the lower decals, I do not feel these at all (which I figured would be the case), but even if I wanted to it would get the balls messy, which would mean sacrificing my grip. Despite all this, I do still enjoy using the Closetplay Speedster, with the size being big enough to feel comfortable yet filling, whilst the density allows my muscles to be able to clench around it satisfyingly. This, then paired with a good clit vibe, like the We-Vibe Touch X, gives me some great orgasms.

Cleaning & Care

While being 100% silicone and waterproof does help, cleaning is one of the obvious downsides to the Closetplay Speedster due to the lightning bolt on its shaft. I’d recommend starting by soaking it in some warm soapy water before and after use, and then carefully scrubbing around this area with a spare toothbrush, before rinsing and leaving to air dry. Due to the bubbles and tears that have developed on my model however, I do feel the only way to ensure it is fully clean is to sanitize it after every use, and you can do this by boiling it for three minutes. I will be keeping an eye on these though, as if they grow any worse I may need to discontinue use completely. Lastly, make sure to not use silicone-based lubricants with the toy, as they may react badly with the silicone it’s made of.

Final Thoughts

While the Speedster has its issues, it’s clear that Closetplay are actively trying to improve and remedy them. Plus, it’s important to remember that this store has barely been around for a year, and are only just now really committing to their hand-poured range. Still, I can’t help but think back to my review last year of the Faux Phallus Agapanthus, a perfect toy sent to me just one month after they opened their store, and then to my later review of the Darque Path Cthulhu, where I questioned whether the then 6-month-old maker should be allowed to sell items with quality issues similar to what I’ve experienced with the Speedster (although to a larger degree). What’s more, is that even without any of these technical issues, I am unsure about the product’s overall design. While my geeky heart loves the addition of the lightning bolts, I do feel that for an element that requires extra care and cleaning, you do want to at least be getting something out of it (other than visual, that is, as there are other ways to achieve this). But since I was unable to feel any texture during use, this was instead a bit of a let down, and with the rest of the design being rather basic, while using it was good, it also didn’t offer anything new or exciting. Overall, I think this toy would best serve fans of The Flash who can really appreciate the inspiration behind the design and don’t mind putting in the extra effort for cleaning. But I’d also recommend waiting a little while for Closetplay to finish refining both the Speedster and its matching plug first, to help avoid the same issues I’ve experienced here.

Sadly, the Closetplay Speedster has now been discontinued.

This post was sponsored by Closetplay, but as always, all opinions are my own. Affiliate links have been used in this post.