Review: Funzze Flower Tongue

It was a little over a year ago that I had the pleasure of reviewing the viral Rose Vibe. I had no idea what to expect from a toy TikTok had dubbed the “soul snatcher”, but it didn’t take me long to realise that this was no exaggeration. Since then, this white-label toy and its two siblings, which are now most commonly known as The Rose, The Bloom and The Kiss after US distributor NS Novelties acquired them for their INYA brand, have continued to gain popularity as their availability has soared. So, considering my love for “The Rose”, with it even coming in at Number 5 on my Top 10 of Sex Toys of 2021, it seemed only right that I review another one of these toys, and thanks to retailer Funzze that’s exactly what I’m doing today with The Kiss, or as they like to call it, the Flower Tongue.

Product Description

While The Kiss certainly sounds a lot nicer, there is a certain accuracy with the name Flower Tongue. While the main body of the toy features a floral design similar to the Sohimi ROSE, although this time looking more like a tulip (similarly, The Bloom resembles a calla lily, which makes me feel like these would have been better suited names), a prominent tongue-like flap then breaks the illusion by sticking proudly out of it. This is where the toy’s stimulation comes from, in the form of the flap moving quickly back and forth to mimic the sensations of oral sex. Outside of this, it then functions much the same as the ROSE, with a single button featuring a tear-shape to control the ten modes and a wide magnetic charging plate on the bottom to allow it to stand upright on its included stand. The body-safe silicone it is composed of is silky, although attracts dust, and the Flower Tongue also features a prominent seam around its middle. Then, while there is a little less going on than with the ROSE, as it doesn’t have as many petals, it is still nicely detailed and feels good to hold. Finally, the Flower Tongue is also USB rechargeable, waterproof, and comes in two colours: light pink and purple (which is what I have).

The Brand

Funzze are an online retailer on a mission to help close the orgasm gap. Stocking a variety of white-label sex toys, they offer everything from vibrators to dildos and anal toys, and are one of the few companies doing the right thing by organising their products by type and what body part they stimulate, rather than by gender or sexuality. With a reliable customer service team and weekly sales, you can also enjoy a 10% discount on your first order when you sign up for their mailing list. Plus, with free delivery on all orders over $59 USD no matter where you are in the world, alongside discreet shipping and a one year warranty on their entire range, Funzze really puts the fun in online toy shopping.

Packaging

My order for the Flower Tongue was placed with Funzze on the 19th of August and it arrived on the 5th of September. The package was then 100% discreet, with no mention of who sent it or what was inside. Opening it up, I then found a plain brown cardboard box, which had nothing on it except a barcode and “Made in China”. Now, whilst I’m use to extremely basic packaging on white-label toys, this one really takes the cake as the most basic, because they at least usually use glossy black boxes rather than brown corrugated card, and it almost made me worry the Flower Tongue wouldn’t even be inside. Thankfully though I did find the toy resting within, alongside its charging cord, a gold Funzze-branded storage bag, and some instructions on a business card (which, despite being printed by Funzze, call the toy the “Greedy Tongue”). Although it’s worth noting that there was no support or foam within this small box to protect the toy from getting damaged. In addition, I also received another business card which was loose in the larger mailing box, and this just featured information on the one year warranty and how to contact support.

Charging

Being USB rechargeable, charging the Funzze Flower Tongue is easy. Simply plug the charging cord into a USB port and then sit the toy upright on the stand at the other end. The magnets here should help guide you to position the Flower Tongue correctly, and these will also help ensure it doesn’t fall off if knocked. Funzze then lists the toy as taking around 2.5 hours to fully charge, which will give you a playtime of around 2-3 hours, although these values are much higher than on the Sohimi ROSE (which was 1.25 hours for 1.5 hours of play), making me wonder if they are accurate. Finally, Funzze recommends charging the product prior to first use, and when doing so it will flash its LED light, with completion being indicated by a solid light.

Controls

Controlling the Funzze Flower Tongue is exactly the same as the Sohimi ROSE and very straightforward since there is only one button. Simply hold it down to turn the product on, which will place the Flower Tongue on its lowest speed. Continue clicking to then cycle through the ten modes, and these consist of three steady speeds and seven pattern modes. Finally, to turn the toy off again, you can just hold down the button until it stops, although one negative is that doing this will make the toy first jump to the next mode, so make sure you move it away from you before turning it off.

First Impressions

I’ve had mixed experiences with the Funzze Flower Tongue’s style of flicking stimulation over the years. And while there have been successes, such as the ZALO HERO and Blush Novelties Aria Flutter Tongue, even these aren’t the sort of toys I return to and enjoy in my spare time. So while I was admittedly sceptical of the Flower Tongue’s abilities at first, I hoped to once again be left surprised as I was with the Sohimi ROSE. Turning it on, I found it has a great amount of movement and swing to it, with the tongue quickly flicking back and forth at a speed dependant on which of the three levels it is at. While not for me, the patterns also worked well, offering shorter bursts of movement or ramp ups. The only real downside is the noise, which is fairly loud and may not be appropriate for those looking to keep it down.

My Experience

While I wouldn’t compare the sensations that the Funzze Flower Tongue provides to that of oral sex, it is quite pleasurable in a teasing sort of way. When placed so that its little flap can hit against my clitoris, it is a subtle form of stimulation that leaves me always wanting more. But there isn’t any more, because as soon as I move it closer to try and offer some of the pressure that I am longing for, it begins to slow down and stop. Due to this, whilst I can orgasm fairly easily with the toy, I do find it fairly unsatisfying, which, while not so great for masturbation, does have its benefits during partnered sex. With this in mind, using the Funzze Flower Tongue during foreplay is where it really excels, as it makes for the perfect toy to start the arousal process before moving onto better things, which after a couple of minutes you’ll be more than begging to do so.

Cleaning & Care

As with the Sohimi ROSE, the Funzze Flower Tongue is advertised as being waterproof. However, considering that is the reason I suspect my ROSE stopped working, and then later my Rose Queen as well, I would be cautious about submerging this. An upside to the ROSE though is that it does not have any of the petals where bacteria may hide, and is instead quite a simple clean due to the smooth concave area around the tongue. So my recommendation for cleaning the Flower Tongue would simply be to wipe it down with some warm soapy water after use, before rinsing and then leaving to air dry. After this, you can simply return it to its storage bag for safe keeping and to avoid it picking up dust. Additionally, make sure to not use silicone-based lubricants with this toy, as it may damage the silicone it is made of.

Final Thoughts

While my review of the Funzze Flower Tongue hasn’t been the revelation that its sister toy’s was, it was still a solid product that did exactly what was advertised. With simple, easy-to-use controls, a handy charging stand and a beautiful design, I don’t really have any complaints, which doesn’t happen very often. In fact, perhaps the biggest downside to the toy was actually its packaging, but considering this is sold so widely, there’s a good chance you won’t have the same experience as me. As for the stimulation, while this was expectedly not really my thing, it was still enjoyable enough, and certainly has its place in the bedroom as a valuable member of the team during foreplay, even if it isn’t used all the way to that big O. Plus, with such a low price, it’s a great product to purchase if you’re curious about whether this sort of sensation might work for you. As for me though, I think I’ll be sticking to team Rose!

You can get the Flower Tongue directly from Funzze for just $55.83 AUD / $35.99 USD!

This post was sponsored by Funzze, but as always, all opinions are my own. Affiliate links have been used in this post.