Non-phallic

Review: Darque Path Cthulhu

Darque Path Cthulhu

Over the last few years I’ve become a massive fan of the work of H.P. Lovecraft and the Mythos he inspired. Growing up with little exposure to horror films or books (even the The Little Mermaid gave me nightmares as a child), his wide collection of short stories has served as the perfect gateway into this world for me, especially when you consider how much of it has formed the basis of the genre today. I often spend evenings reading over annotations of his work (yes, including analysis on the unpleasant racist overtones), have forked out way too much money on the Call of Cthulhu role-playing game (considering I have no one to play it with), and even though I still have a long way to go with catching up on horror as a film genre, I’ve just recently taken my first steps with John Carpenter’s Apocalypse Trilogy (which was also inspired by Lovecraft). But with my job being what it is, there has always been one thing missing, and that is, of course, a fantasy toy inspired by the most famous of all his creations: Cthulhu. For the longest time I had my eyes on Uberrime’s version, but size concerns and US shipping prices held me back, until finally it disappeared from their store. Just when I thought all was lost however, I discovered Darque Path and their very own interpretation made right here in Australia!

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Review: Faux Phallus Agapanthus

Faux Phallus Agapanthus

I love being a sex toy reviewer more than anything. But there are some obvious downsides to doing it in Australia. There’s no major manufacturers located here, popular toys aren’t always stocked by local stores, shipping prices from everywhere else are ridiculously high, and in terms of a blogging community… well most of the time it’s just me. There is one thing, however, that has disappointed me most over the years though, and that’s the lack of independent makers. Overseas, but particularly in the USA, there seems to be an abundance of people creating silicone toys from their very own homes and selling them places like Etsy, allowing them to push the limits of what is considered a sex toy by producing imaginative designs in a kaleidoscope of colours that would have never been able to occur within a larger mass-producing company. I could browse these stores all day, and often do, but with shipping typically costing far more than the products themselves, actually making a purchase is sadly not an option for me. It’s because of this that I have spent a good part of the last six years wishing and hoping someone would kick off a similar community here (and making my own plans if I were to ever move to a bigger apartment), and now in 2021 it finally seems my cries have been answered.

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Review: Désirables Dalia

Désirables Dalia

As our seemingly never-ending lockdown continues here in Melbourne, I find myself thinking about how to support small and local businesses more than ever. Whether it’s a brick-and-mortar store that has been forced to close its doors, or an online retailer faced with demands for refunds due to delays out of their control, it’s a tough time to be in business. So in addition to my own financial support, I’ve been working to find new ways to promote and highlight small businesses on my social media over the last few months, and it was through this that I first learned of Montréal-based manufacturer Désirables. An independent maker of some of the most beautiful hand-made products I’ve ever seen, Désirables immediately stood out to me through their use of porcelain as a medium for their toys, which is something I haven’t seen before. So you can imagine my excitement when I recently found out that one of my favourite local retailers, Nikki Darling, was not only about to become the first Australian stockist of their exquisite and unique toys, but that they also wanted me to review them!

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Review: Uberrime Tentare Tentacle

Uberrime Tentare Tentacle

It’s finally time for the last review of 2019 (and the decade!), and I’ve made sure to save the best till last. The Uberrime Tentare Tentacle is a product I’ve been dying to try all year, so I’m super excited to finally have my hands on it and be sharing my thoughts with you all today. Now, I’ve got to admit, the first time I saw this toy I thought it was a dildo. So despite how amazing it looked, my mind instantly assumed that due to its stubby dimensions it must be quite large, which probably wouldn’t work for my body. But I couldn’t get its unique design out of my head, so after I successfully tested the Uberrime Ripley Alien earlier this year I went back to it and actually read the product listing. Turns out it’s not a dildo at all (although it can still be used as one), but actually a sleeve for bullet vibrators such as the We-Vibe Tango. Well, as soon as I read that I knew I had to have one, but with so many other beautiful Uberrime toys to choose from it still took me awhile to get round to requesting it. When it was time to choose a product to wrap up the year with however, I knew exactly what I wanted it to be.

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Review: Tantus Magma

Tantus Magma

The first dildo I ever reviewed was the Tantus Splish, and until like most products that I reviewed when I first started, this toy has really stood the test of time and is still one of my favourites. With a diameter of only 2.5cm / 1″ and a length of 11.4cm / 4.5″, it is far too small to be used as a regular dildo though, and instead has found a place in my home for anal play and as my partner’s alternative to fingering. I loved the drip-like design and noted in my review “Its texture is simply marvellous [for anal], and I know I just need to get my hands on a Splash now so my vagina can have a similar experience”. The Splash was the Splish’s larger cousin and I was eager to get one, until Tantus discontinued them both. Those were some sad days in sex toy land… until recently when I noticed Tantus had announced two new products. They have a different name and a new colour palette, but sure enough the Magma and Mini Magma are the reincarnations of the Splish and Splash.

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Review: Funkit Toys NoFrillDo R

Funkit Toys NoFrillDo R

It’s not too often I get really excited about being sent a product these days. But when Nikki Darling recently announced they would be bringing the NoFrillDo by Funkit Toys to Australia, I knew I had to get one. I’ve been interested in the creations of Funkit Toys for a few years now, and even wrote about their Signet, a silicone ring designed to help further stimulate the clitoris when masturbating with your hand, early last year in my Top New Sex Toys I Want in 2017 post. Unfortunately, the Signet was part of a crowd-funding campaign which didn’t make its goal, and so I never ended up testing it out. But then late last year Funkit decided to try their luck at crowdfunding once more, this time for the NoFrillDo, and it was an astounding success, raising 465% of its goal. Obviously this caught my eye, and so I was over the moon when I heard they would soon be available to purchase in my own country. Nikki Darling must have read my mind, because soon after they asked me whether I wanted to review one!

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