Vaginal Tightness: Causes and Ways Forward

When I first bought the Tantus Vamp, an “average size” toy, at 18 years of age, I had no idea the path it would set me on. It was one of my very first dildos, and there was no doubt in my mind that I would love it. Yet inserting it was a difficult, painful experience, and eventually I had to admit defeat. As a baby reviewer, it was an embarrassing and confusing time. Why could all my peers enjoy this toy, but not me? It’s now been almost ten years since then, but still it influences every product I test and brand I work with. And with the recent rise of the indie fantasy maker, the industry’s tendency towards large toys has only grown, leaving me unable to find a single toy that would work for my experienced vagina in some stores. It’s getting real tiring, and I can’t help but worry about people out there like me. So today I wanted to share more on why that might be, and my recommendations on how to move forward.

Whilst “vaginal tightness” seemed the most accessible and easily understood title for this post, I just wanted to clarify that I’ll be talking about vaginal penetration difficulties here. For some, being “tight” is seen as a positive trait, and many relate it to a lack of sexual experience. But as the vagina is a muscular canal that can expand and contract, this is not true, and therefore I will be focusing on this in the negative sense, whereby individuals are unable to enjoy penetration due to an unusual level of vaginal resistance. 

I’ll be going through some of the causes of vaginal penetration difficulty soon, but one of the biggest takeaways I hope to impart today is that it is normal. To be honest, in conducting this research I had hoped I might find a medical reason for my own “tightness”. I didn’t, but in the many years since my experience with the Tantus Vamp, I have come to accept and own it, and I even recently created my own sex toy based on the insight I have gained regarding my vaginal canal over the years. I’ve spoken to sex toy lovers from all over the world who all have different levels of preference when it comes to size, just like we each have a different palate when it comes to food. So, if none of the below sounds like you, don’t be stressing that there’s something wrong, and please feel free to scroll down to my recommendations for how to help, which are really universal!

Causes

The below list is by no means exhaustive, but rather some of the more common ways vaginas can be narrower or tighter, thus making penetration difficult. 

Vaginismus

If you’ve previously found penetration easy, and no longer do despite no obvious physical changes, you might be suffering from vaginismus. Classified as a type of sexual dysfunction, it occurs when the vaginal muscles involuntarily contract, causing pain during penetration, whether during sex or even when just inserting a tampon. It can happen anytime for no reason, regardless if it’s your first or fiftieth time penetrating your vagina, although in some cases has been linked to past trauma and other emotional factors. Vaginismus can also occur after menopause, when a reduction in vaginal lubrication and elasticity starts to make intercourse difficult.

Tilted Uterus

Would you believe that almost one-third of people have a retroverted uterus that tips towards the spine? Whilst this common phenomenon doesn’t shorten the length of the vaginal canal, it can make deep penetration uncomfortable. This may be particularly noticeable during the cowgirl position or when being penetrated from behind. Whilst some are born with it, and may find it fixes itself with age, other conditions, such as endometriosis, fibroids and pregnancy, may cause it. 

Scarring

Scar tissue in the vaginal canal, known as vaginal stenosis, can also make penetration difficult. This is typically brought about through surgeries and injuries, and is a common long-term side effect of pelvic radiation therapy when treating conditions like cancer. This can be a problem not only for sexual pleasure, but also for follow-up vaginal exams. 

Intersex

We all know that penises come in a range of shapes and sizes, and so do vulvas. But for 1.7% of the population, similar to the amount of people with red hair, this difference is greater still. In the womb, everyone starts out with the same genitals, which then develop into the traditional “male” or “female” reproductive organs. But for some individuals this process is disrupted, making it harder to identify gender upon birth. This kind of ambiguous genitalia can present itself in a number of ways, and can even be completely internal, only making itself known during puberty or later in life.

Since there is such a wide variety of intersex traits, it’s no surprise that some of these interfere with penetration. For instance, both complete androgen insensitivity syndrome (CAIS) and Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser syndrome (MRKH) can cause a shorter vaginal canal than normal. 

Vaginoplasty

For many trans women and AMAB (assigned male at birth) nonbinary people, bottom surgery, referred to as vaginoplasty in this case, is another important step on their journey to affirming their gender identity. These surgeries are so advanced that, in many ways, they are indistinguishable from the vaginas of cis women. However, there are a few differences, with one of those being increased vaginal tightness. 

Part of this is in the immediate post-op months, when you’ll be healing. Whilst penetrative partnered sex is off the cards during this period anyway, you will be provided with a dilator kit in order to keep your canal open. Neovaginas are often the same depth as those of cis women, but unlike them, they don’t experience vaginal tenting, whereby they change shape and size upon arousal. Instead, dilators give you full control over how wide your canal is, allowing you to slowly work your way up to the largest diameter, or stay at the smaller size to remain “tight”. 

Recommendations

Whether you were born with it or are just now learning to understand your narrow vaginal canal, there are a number of ways to improve your experience with penetration. Below I’ve included the few that I can speak to, however there are other treatments, therapies and exercises that can all make a difference, as can being in a relaxed environment with a trusted partner. 

Lubrication

Over the last few years I’ve noticed quite a lot of stigma around the use of lubricant, as if there’s something wrong with you if you’re using it. This is absolutely not the case, and I couldn’t recommend it more for everyone, whether you’re engaging in penetrative vaginal sex with a partner or just using a sex toy. Whilst the typical vagina does have the ability to self-lubricate in response to arousal, this isn’t 100% foolproof, especially during spontaneous play. This automatic lubrication will also be reduced during menopause and conditions like vaginal stenosis, and for those with a neovagina it will not be present at all. Therefore, lubing up before play is the quickest and easiest way to improve penetration, and will allow you to safely stretch your vaginal canal.

In regards to which type of lubricant to choose, I recommend sticking with a water-based solution. This is a must for those with a neovagina, as you’ll be unable to wash away other lubricants from within your canal, and is also the safest option for use with sex toys, since electronic devices and toys made from silicone may react negatively to non-water-based types. With this in mind, I typically just find it easiest to use a water-based lube for everything so I don’t need to worry, and my favourite for many years now has been Lovehoney’s Delight, which has a thicker consistency for even more cushioning during penetration. 

Dilators

Wondering what the point of lubing up is, if you can’t insert anything? Well that’s where dilators come in. If you’ve undergone treatments such as vaginoplasty or pelvic radiation therapy, you’ll hopefully have been provided with these by your doctor. But for everyone else, they are luckily something that is stocked by many sex stores. Typically coming in a five-piece kit, these smooth silicone dildos are made with easy insertion in mind, often being heavily tapered, and come in a range of sizes, so you can slowly work your way up. While they are in a lot of ways like a piece of exercise equipment, they can also be used for pleasure if you wish, and are a great way to grow accustomed to penetration at an approachable pace. 

Specialised sex toys

For those who are looking for something more interesting than the typical dilator, but who are not quite ready to dive into the world of sex toys, you’re in luck. Leading the charge on these kinds of inclusive products is AROSUM, an LGBTQ+ friendly brand who is seeking to redefine intimacy for all genders. Their recent releases, the G-Snuggle and LushVibe, are both specifically crafted for individuals with narrow vaginal canals, and use a slim shaft to keep them approachable. How they differ from a traditional dilator, however, is in their vibrations and unique “sprout-shaped” tip, which offers stimulation of the G-Spot and inner tissues. 

Non-penetrative toys

This one may seem obvious to some, but before I leave you, I just want to make it absolutely clear: you don’t need vaginal penetration to experience sexual pleasure! Despite how society and the media may make it seem, the real hero of the vulva is the clitoris. Up to 90% of women are unable to achieve orgasm from penetration alone, and to be honest, it’s all a little overrated. There is a massive selection of external use toys, from oral sex simulators and air pressure wave products, to wand massagers and bullet vibes, that are waiting for you once you’re ready.

Got questions or have a request for my next guide? Let me know and I’ll get back to you.

Further reading:

• Beginner’s Guide To Sex Toys
• Beginner’s Guide To Butt Plugs
• Beginner’s Guide To Sex Dolls
• Sex Toy Materials Guide

This post was sponsored by AROSUM but as always, all opinions are my own. Affiliate links have been used in this post.