Review: Funzze Glass Tentacle

I love browsing the new arrivals section at Funzze to see all the latest sex toys they’re offering. Not only are they surprisingly high-quality and enjoyable products for a white-label retailer (so much so that they dominated last year’s Top 10 Sex Toys), but they are also some of the cheapest on the market. So when I recently saw they had launched a new range of glass toys, my first impression was one of excitement, especially when I noticed their Glass Tentacle dildo, a style I have been wanting to review for a long time. But… after this initial reaction, I hesitated. Even though I regularly talk about glass sex toys and how safe they are, I have actually only reviewed a few, and that was some time ago. Funzze’s options, to make matters even more uncertain, are made of borosilicate glass, yet are not annealed. I ended up doing a lot of research, and you can probably guess the outcome…

Is It Safe?

So, yes, I decided to review the Funzze Glass Tentacle. At least, as long as I found no issues with it upon arrival. Borosilicate glass is great, as it makes dildos more sturdy and less likely to break, but annealing is a process you really should want your toy to have been through. It removes stress points in the dildo, which are the areas most likely to cause issues, and thus creates a much safer product overall. At first, I thought Funzze’s options not being annealed was a deal breaker for me, but after consulting Dangerous Lilly’s guide on glass dildo safety, I was swayed. As she points out, whilst annealed toys are safer, non-annealed products are still very unlikely to break, especially if they are cared for well and inspected prior to every use. This was the first thing I did when the Glass Tentacle arrived, and next I decided to follow the same guide in order to “view” just how stressed this dildo really was.

Funzze Glass Tentacle 6

Funzze Glass Tentacle 7

Funzze Glass Tentacle 8

Funzze Glass Tentacle 9

Using a circular polarising lens in a dark room with a bright white screen on my computer behind it, I was able to take a look at any stress points within the Funzze Glass Tentacle and any other glass products I wanted. It was my first time trying it, and was actually very cool and really effective! You can see the results above, but basically it seems the toy only has a light amount of stress, not at all the rainbows I was expecting from it not being annealed. This is mostly around the smaller handle end of the toy and the middle of the shaft. It wasn’t as good as this glass dildo from Lovehoney I also tested, which was practically clear, but compared to my Pyrex measuring jug and some of the toys tested by Dangerous Lilly, it certainly makes it look pretty great. So, as usual with Funzee, I am content with the quality of this product, and while I will continue to check it before every use and be very gentle with it, I do feel it is safe to use.

Product Description

Now that’s been addressed, let’s talk about the Funzze Glass Tentacle itself. Shaped similar to the letter S, the insertable end features a slight curve and very little taper, whilst the handle (which is far more tentacle-like) features a wide curve that almost fully wraps around, as well as a huge taper so that it ends in a thin point. A single row of raised “suckers” is then present on one side, although these are really more like small spikes. Being made of glass, the rest of this G-Spot dildo is then clear and smooth, but a spiral effect can be seen within. The “bubbles” that make up this internal design are green, and it is these that have the ability to glow-in-the-dark, another great visual aspect to this toy. Additionally, it’s also worth pointing out that this is a fairly small dildo, with a total length of 6.6″ / 16.8cm, an insertable length of 4.7″ / 11.9cm, and a maximum diameter of just 1.14″ / 2.9cm. Body-safe and waterproof, the Funzze Glass Tentacle is then also anal-safe.

Packaging

My order with Funzze for the Glass Tentacle was placed on the 19th of July and I received it on the 28th. As usual with this brand, the box was 100% discreet, with no mention of the sender or what was contained within. Another consistent aspect I love about Funzze is their packaging, and the Glass Tentacle was no different, coming in a simple cardboard box branded with just a removable slip of paper, for maximum reusability and discretion. Plus, being glass, the toy was also very securely packaged, with plenty of bubble wrap and soft pouches to keep it safe, and particular care put into protecting the curved handle. In addition, the toy also came with a small card detailing Funzze’s one year warranty and a gold branded storage bag that fits the Glass Tentacle perfectly, although since this is just made of a thin material that doesn’t offer any protection, I chose to keep one of the padded pouches that the toy arrived in as well to use in addition to the storage bag.

My Experience

Between the smooth glass material and the small girth of this toy, inserting the Funzze Glass Tentacle is easy. Plus, if it’s cold, this toy also works well for temperature play, allowing you to warm it up (or cool it down!) prior to play by running it under a tap or placing it in a bowl of water. Although even with all this, there are still those “suckers” to contend with. I find these not very noticeable during play, and whilst my initial impression of this toy was that these would be good for grinding (which was going to be my backup if I determined this toy was not safe for insertion), I find how hard they are combined with their pointed shape not all that comfortable up against my clitoris and vulva. Not to mention that they don’t feel anything like the suckers I enjoy on my other tentacle toys, a fact that isn’t helped when you consider that there is only a single row of them. This feeling then continues during insertion, as the broad head of the dildo does nothing to support the tentacle fantasy, and as the suckers scrape against my entrance, the whole experience is a little off. For most people, I don’t think any of this would be a problem, as whilst the suckers do make insertion a little uncomfortable, it is over very quickly. But as a tentacle enthusiast who loves the roleplay aspect to these toys, a tentacle this is not… at least as far as my vagina is concerned.

Once inside things improve considerably, as it’s very clear that the Funzze Glass Tentacle not only knows where my G-Spot is, but what to do with it. Stimulation is easy, as all I need to do is thrust lightly, with the curved head simply “hooking” on and really doing all of the work. This feels great, although I can’t help but think it would be even better if I could just add some pressure of my own onto it. Yet, frustratingly, due to the strange handle shape and those raised suckers, I am unable to achieve this for long, and whilst I can continue to try and force it, the amount of pressure it requires me to place on the glass toy’s most fragile area does not seem wise. Even without this though, using the Glass Tentacle is still very much a good time, and paired with a clitoral vibrator like the We-Vibe Touch X, I know I’m in for some very satisfying (and usually multiple!) orgasms.

Glow-In-The-Dark

I’ve also got to give a huge shout-out to the glow-in-the-dark aspect of the Funzze Glass Tentacle. This is my first glass glow-in-the-dark toy, so I wasn’t really sure what to expect, but usually with silicone you’ll want to first “charge” them under a lamp for at least 30 minutes before play. Yet the first time I placed this toy into a dark room, just off the cuff to see what it would be like, I was totally shocked at just how bright it was! One of the most vibrant and bright glow-in-the-dark toys I have tried, the Funzze Glass Tentacle requires no charge time whatsoever to provide its stunning glow. The green colour is also particularly great, as it really reinforces the tentacle theme and also makes it a perfect toy for the spooky season. Plus, because the glow is coming from those spiral bubbles, it adds a whole other element to it, allowing it to really stand out whilst also illuminating the rest of the dildo’s clear body, almost like there are glowflies caught within it.

Cleaning & Care

As the Funzze Glass Tentacle is waterproof, cleaning it is easy. To start, I’d recommend soaking it in some warm water, and then you’ll want to go over those suckers with a soft spare toothbrush and soap before rinsing. Leave it to air dry, and after this you can place it into its storage bag to keep clean, which can then be placed into one of the padded pouches it came with. Make sure to always be gentle with it, and prior to any use you’ll want to give it a quick inspection to ensure there are no potential issues, such as cracks or chips. As for lubricant, this toy is compatible with all types.

Final Thoughts

It’s been so long since I last used a glass toy that I didn’t even realise I had started to have reservations about them. But if anything was going to change my mind, it was a tentacle toy. Made of borosilicate glass, the Funzze Glass Tentacle is quite study even without being annealed as far as I can tell, and whilst I do practise plenty of caution when it comes to my sex toys, I’m glad to report I’ve had no issues in all the time I’ve been using it. And used it I have, with the G-Spot stimulation this little dildo gives me being practically addictive, making it hard to stop at just one orgasm during testing. Really the only downside to this toy is how little tentacle it actually brings to the table. But as I said, I imagine most people won’t really mind this, and even if Funzze had gone for the full fantasy and made it look like one of my Uncover Creations grinders, it still may not have really worked with the firm material. Finally, the last thing I should note is that this toy is also extremely budget-friendly, to the point of it actually being one of the cheapest sex toys I’ve ever reviewed. So, if you want to try a glass dildo, or just want fantastic G-Spot stimulation for cheap, this really is a great pick.

You can get the Glass Tentacle directly from Funzze for just $43 AUD / $29.99 USD!

Last updated: 30/9/24

Price at the time of writing: $43 AUD / $29.99 USD

This post was sponsored by Funzze, but as always, all opinions are my own. Affiliate links have been used in this post.