Acoustic masturbation isn’t something I get up to much these days considering my job as a sex toy tester. But it’s where I, like many others, had my start with pleasure. I’ve always opted for non-penetrative play, ruining many pillows and bedsheets during my youth, which is why external toys like wand massagers and suction toys continue to be my favourites today. And it seems I’m not alone, with the majority of people with a clitoris choosing to focus on this too. Yet this isn’t something I was aware of growing up, and even though I had a much more comprehensive sexual education than most, I was under the belief that fingering was the correct way to masturbate (apparently this was taught during a class I missed, alongside a video demonstration on it, although I now wonder if my friends were just joking). I hated the idea and avoided it despite my concerns that I was doing something wrong, and even now the only things to enter my vagina are toys, my menstrual cup, and my partner. But for today’s review I’m hoping to challenge my thoughts on this common style of masturbation, with the YoYoLemon Licking Vibrator!
Review: Sohimi NORMA
If there’s one thing sex toy manufacturers love doing, it’s jamming their products full of as many features as possible. It means that these days, shopping for a vibrator isn’t too far off from buying dishwashing tablets or laundry detergent, as even though they couldn’t be more different, I still somehow find myself sorting through every possible variation of the phrase “X-in-1”. The upside to sex toys, as opposed to cleaning products, is that at least the different functions are actually identifiable and give you more options for use (sometimes I think the detergents are just all the same except with different labels). Which brings us to today’s review, which, of course, is all about a 4-in-1 thruster vibrator called the Sohimi NORMA.
Review: Lovense Gravity
I’ve been writing about sex toys for over eight years now, yet I’ve surprisingly only reviewed six thrusters, with two of those being this year. I suppose two isn’t really enough to declare that 2023 is the “year of the thruster”, but because I don’t try them very often, it feels like it is to me. Plus, I have a lot more on the way, starting with today’s review on the Lovense Gravity. An accordian-style thruster (of which I have two others, whilst the rest are split between magnetic-style and stretch-style), Lovense have added their usual high-tech touch to the product, making this innovative toy quite unlike any of the other handheld sex machines I’ve tried. Offering vibrations alongside the thrusting, it is also compatible with the Chinese brand’s comprehensive range of apps for greater control over both bluetooth and wifi. Making this not only an exciting thruster for solo use, but the perfect option for those in long-distance relationships or online sex work.
Review: Funzze Sucking Massager
Recently I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about budget toys and options for spending less when it comes to products like wand massagers, which are my second favourite sex toy. But what about suction toys, aka my number one? Even my usual low-price recommendation, the Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation, has the potential to set you back $100 AUD / $70 USD or more if you can’t find a sale, whilst the cheapest option I’ve reviewed so far, the Satisfyer Curvy 2+, has had such a ridiculous price hike since I first wrote about it back in 2020, that it is now exactly double the cost that it was. So, I set out to find a better option for those who, like me, are tightening their belts right now, and, as always, the first place I looked was Funzze, who are known for their excellent prices.
Review: Honey Play Box Fiona Plus
After exclusively reviewing wand massagers for the last few weeks, I figured it was time to switch things up for this week’s review. And what better way to do that than with an entirely new style of sex toy? That’s right, much like the Honey Play Box Scioness, my next review for this exciting US brand is also on a product type I am wholly unfamiliar with, something that can often prove a challenge after collecting sex toys for almost ten years. The Fiona Plus is what is usually called a double-ended egg vibrator, although in this case the last part of that is retracted, as this toy doesn’t actually feature any vibrations. Rather, it combines two popular styles of stimulation into one, with a licking rose-style toy at one end, and a accordian-style thruster at the other.
Review: YoYoLemon Mini Wand
Wand massagers are my second favourite type of sex toy (for a long time they were my first, until my love for suction toys finally won out), although until recently I hadn’t really reviewed that many. Over the last few weeks, however, I’ve shared my thoughts on a huge range of shapes and sizes, and all at a lower price point than I usually review. Last week’s post seemed to be a culmination of this, with it not only being my longest massager ever, but my cheapest, and it was pretty dang good too. But I’m not done yet, because this week I’m turning around and going in the opposite direction, with the smallest massager I’ve reviewed so far. In fact, the YoYoLemon Mini Wand is so small, I’m not even sure calling it a wand is appropriate. Thankfully size is the only big difference between this toy and the Funzze Massager, though, as at just $60 AUD / $40 USD it is still very reasonably priced.